Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Just Let It Go!


   My son moved down to Portland from Bangor about 5 months ago now. He lived with his sister for about 3 months and then finally got an apartment with two people he had never met before. He’s been working at a golf course in Portland as a short order cook and the work has slowed way down so he needed some extra $ to see him through. What he really needs is a second job! We are having some unusually nice weather here in Maine for November. We set a new record yesterday,  for the warmest weather on this date in November.

   Hubby and I never got a chance to rake the yard and get rid of all those pine needles and leaves, so we invited my son to come out and do it. He was up for it since it meant earning some extra cash….which he has none of! Now my son used to be the kind of kid that tried to get out of doing ANY kind of work. He would do the heavy supervising while leaning on the rake or tree. I was the worst enabling mom at the time. Having gone through a divorce when my kids were 5 and 7, I guess I was filled with guilt. I let them get away with murder and tried to “fix” everything myself, thereby never letting them learn those great lessons in life that they needed to on their own. Heck….I wouldn’t even let them cook for fear that they wouldn’t do it right or they would hurt themselves! They couldn’t leave the driveway on their bikes until they were 20! No…it was more like 12 I guess. I am so trying to change that person that I was back then but man is it hard!image

   The deal was that my son could go out and work in the yard as long or as short of a time as he wanted to….until dark or just until lunch…if he liked. My husband gave him instructions about the giant tarp in the cellar….the key to the shed…which areas he wanted raked….which little saplings he wanted cut with the clippers and a couple of other chores if he had time. He started at about 10:45 yesterday morning. He came in a couple of times to use the bathroom and get a drink and a bite to eat but kept at it. Hubby went out twice to help with a couple of things, but all said and done, he did not finish until it was dark at 5:00!! I was actually shocked that he lasted that long!! I fully expected the old moaning and groaning, the rolling of the eyes and all those expressions you get from kids when they feel put out to do chores but this was different. This was a grown kid….a 25 year old who was simply digging in because he really needed to earn some money.  image

   I was in the house doing chores and baking a chicken pie, making salads and wrestling with the chaos going on in my head! Am I the only mother that still goes into protective mode when it comes to her grown kids??? I was thinking to myself….Oh this has been a long day for him….oh he must be thirsty….oh he’ll be sore…oh he is going to be hungry….on and on and on. I struggled with all of these thoughts until I realized how I used to be when they were kids. Because I was such an enabler when they were young, it definitely had a lasting effect on them….especially my son. This was my chance, as I saw it, to let him be the man that he is supposed to be. I know that sounds crazy but it’s true. I kept busy….stopped looking out the window…and sailed through it. When he was done, he came in with a grin and a hungry belly and a little sore but it was a good day. We got a beautiful job done in our yard and he got some hard earned money. He got to be a man without mom jumping in to “save” him. It was all good. Now…..if I could just get that Jack Russell of mine to do what I say.:) :)



Eva Gallant said...

Cute picture!

It's great when your kids are grown and you're proud of them and can pat yourself on the back for doing a good job!

Elenka said...

When exactly are they grown?....I'm still waiting for one at age 23.....I know he's spoiled, even tho I tried not to. I am overprotective, too. sigh.

Dawn said...

Yah, like getting the pouch to pick up their own toys!
I don't think we ever quit, I know I'll have overprotection problems with my kids, I try to border on not tell them what to do and it's hard!
Now I learned something new about you Debbie. Your writings have lead me with the notion you and your hubs have been together since high school, even middle school maybe! Not true?

Shelia said...

Oh, Debbie, what a post! I know you're so proud of your son. My kids are 34 and 39 and I still have protection mode kick in from time to time! Remember, one step at a time!
Now dogs...and I like what Dawn said, if we could just teach them to pick up their toys. It looks like a three year old lives at my house! :)
Be a sweetie,
Shelia ;)

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Isn't it wonderful when they grow up and you finally see how all your hard work paid off and they were paying attention afterall!

Kathleen said...

Hi Debbie...Yes, I am finally making the rounds. First off, I love them meeces to pieces. How cute are they? And that purse!! You crafty crafter you, it is simply gorgeous. I can knit a little, but I just can't pick up crochet. KIds....I don't have any, but MY Mom was much like you. Alwyas made my bad, made us kids something to eat, took us everywhere, etc. Seems you and my Mom did a great job, regardless. How is Obie these days? When is it a gooc time to call you? Enjoy your day, girlfriend! Hugs, Kathleen

Debbie said...

Eva:...I am not so sure I did a great job but I AM proud of them regardless!...thanks!
Elenka:...I am starting to realize that I am NOT the only mother who does this I guess? It's nice to know...thanks for stopping by.:)
Dawn:...I married my kids father when I was 23. I had my two kids when I was 27 and 29 and divorced him when I was 34. He was a womanizer, it turned out and that was the end of that! I met Bobby shortly after that and he and I raised my kids all those years. He was more of a father to them then their own dad. We have been together for going on 21 years though! Longer than my first marriage of 12 years. I see we are alike in the over protectiveness! What is that all about?? I can't seem to let go!
Sheila:...Well the more I read here, the more I am starting to see that we are more alike than I thought! Apparently women tend to be this way? I thought it was me! Your house looks like a 3 year old lives there? Now that's a riot...and it also means your dog is loved too!
Smart Mouth Broad:...Yah...I am not sure how much of my work I see though! I still think I enabled them way too much and that is primarily what I see in him most days I guess. My daughter is very responsible...well most of the time!
Kathleen:...Well it's great to have you back my friend! I am home in the morning until around 11:00 most to hear from you!! Thanks for mentioning the mices! Those are not very good...mostly prototypes. I have some better ones I am working on...will show them soon. Gosh! If you can knit you can crochet!! It's easier I think!! Oh....your mom sounded like a saint...I love her and didn't even know her. No wonder you miss her so! Thanks for popping by.

Anonymous said...

Hello,my Debbie ... What outstanding friends you have visiting your blog and what a grand blogger you are and crafter!
And, a terrific woman, wife, mother, friend, daughter-in-law and relative to all your kin.
You are naturally loving, true-blue and dedicated and you laugh easily and your joy reverberates ...
Yes,I know - Your face is now flaming red and you're thinking that this can't be you that I'm talking about!
Damn straight, it is!
Much love and appreciation ... GeeGee

Debbie said...

OMG ALICE!! You are right! My face is red and I am wondering who the hell you are talking about??? Moi?? I don't hardly think so! If anyone resembles that description, it is YOU my friend!! is always nice to have your own personal cheerleader now isn't it?? lucky am I to have you!! Very...very lucky...I am! Thanks my friend...Love you.

Michelle said...

First of all I can't believe you have a son that is 25. You look so young! Second...I want that chicken pie recipe. :)

I have no doubt you are a wonderful, wonderful mother. You came by and visited me and "mothered" me a bit on my "blue" post. Thank you!!! It really did cheer me up...seeing all the wonderful comments including yours!

Have a great weekend, Debbie!



Debbie said...

Geez Michelle you got me! That is a picture of me when I was much younger!! I MUST update that one! I hate pictures of myself and over the last 20 years, that was the ONLY one I liked...really!! I will post one of myself from at least the last 5 years!! God...I'm feeling guilty now! Thanks for the wonderful comments and I will post that chicken pie are a sweetie!!

Shelia said...

Hi Debbie! Oh, you humble me! Thank you so much for your sweet comments on my home. Believe me, we have much to do - time & money! You know! We still have avocado green and harvest gold fixtures in the bathrooms. Now I'm sure those were around before you were even born! :)
I love how your living room turned out!
Be a sweetie and I always love it when you come for a visit.
Shelia ;)

Debbie said...

Sheila:...I love coming to your blog and touring your house. I feel like I have visited a great friend who loves to decorate. We love our livingroom/den too. Someday maybe we will have a big one...but until then we will enjoy our cozy room. Thanks for your comments!

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