Having a heart attack, has left me with many unsettled feelings. Unsettled?….is that the word I am looking for? What does unsettled mean…..
Part of Speech:
active, agitated, antsy*, anxious, busy, changeable, changeful, changing, complex, complicated, confused, disorderly, disturbed, explosive, fidgety, fluid, flustered, inconstant, insecure, kinetic, mobile, mutable, on edge, perilous, perturbed, precarious, rattled, restive, restless, shaken, shaky, shifting, shook up, tense, thrown, ticklish, troubled, unbalanced, uncertain, uneasy, unnerved, unpeaceful, unpredictable, unquiet, unrestful, unstable, unsteady, variable, wavering, wobbling
Well there you have it….apparently “unsettled” WAS the right word, because I can relate to all of those words, with the exception of tickled maybe? My unsettledness…is that a word?…is really about fear I think. I am out of my element. I am having to do everything a little bit slower and that’s hard for me. The other day, I cleaned my whole house. I took my time doing it. I felt pretty good. Afterwards, I had a feeling that it was probably not a great idea. I guess I was right…..
I went to see my primary care physician on Friday for the first time since my heart attack on December 26th. I was told that I am doing too much and I need to consider the fact that I had a heart attack and just how serious that is. I was told not to lift anything more than 10 pounds for two weeks. My God, my dog weighs close to 20! Added to that order, was no work for 2 weeks. On January 2nd and the 4th, I had some heart issues, that I shared with the doctor. She was concerned, so I am now wearing a portable EKG monitor, until Sunday afternoon…..a total of 48 hours. I cannot have a shower for two days!! Yuck! I let them know I was allergic to the EKG buttons I wore in the hospital. Not a problem, says the man that hooked me up with the portable….we have hypoallergenic ones! Oh goody. To make sure I was not allergic to the hypo’s, he put one of them on my arm for 1 minute!!! ONE FREAKING MINUTE!! I told him it was not long enough. The allergy did not kick in at the hospital for at least 24 hours!! Oh no….he says…MOST people will show a reaction within that minute! Yah right. So….as you may have guessed, I am at the 27 hour mark right now and would really like to tear my skin off, where every one of those EKG buttons are touching my skin!! I am going to try and forget about it and see if I can last until 1:00 tomorrow without ripping them off!! Wish me luck.
Hey…on a happy note, I have not smoked one cigarette in 14 days!! Can you believe it? That’s probably the longest I have ever gone in my life other than when I was pregnant….yay for me!! Whoooohoooo! Pretty soon I will be starting rehab. I think I will be trotting slowly on the treadmill and riding a bike and walking some…..not quite sure though. I am looking forward to that. I am so grateful for so much. People have just been so kind and thoughtful and loving. My husband came home from work the other night with this HUGE fruit basket….well it had tons of fruit, some yellow Gerber daisies, and a lovely card in it. The card was from all the women he works with. They had ALL written something personal to me….get well wishes and prayers…..so nice. My mother and father in law stopped by with a bunch of soda and a nice roasted chicken breast, that I made a chicken pie out of the next day. Yes, I’m still cooking, I have to do something! I have gotten many get well cards and emails from lots of folks and the phone has finally stopped ringing after 2 weeks! I am a very lucky girl and I finally come to the realization that I am not Wonder Woman….heck…Wonder Woman wasn’t even Wonder Woman was she?? I am not invincible and I have to follow doctor’s orders whether I like it or not….there…I said it….now I just have to do it. In the long run, it will all be ok. Family and friends are always there for me. My husband is telling me to stop trying to go to work with him and just settle for the fact that I will be home for 2 more weeks. Try to enjoy it he says to me!! So…..I guess I will. The guilt is slipping away…..it’s melting…..melting….melting……………